Growing up, I was the protector. I was always looking out for the liars and cheaters of the world. It consumed me.
With every human interaction, I quickly analyzed each word. Each aspect of personality was under my observation. Quickly determining if this person was worth letting in. Using my judgments of past observations and experiences to decide if my heart would be open or closed.
Don’t get me wrong. It is natural and human to protect, and observe. These skills should be used in a logical and sensible way to ensure physical and mental saftey.
It was when this process became a tool for the ego. The ego uses these judgments to see if a person’s actions, opinions, thoughts are harmful to the ego.
This process is completely and utterly draining. It takes away that everything that love offers to the soul. Carrying swords, ready to use whenever someone is not quite what you would like. When someone makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. When someone begins to break apart that ego sense of self that you have held on so tightly.
The ego is not always apparent. The ego makes you think you are strong, but not in all the ways that represent true strength and honor. It is a false sense of strength. You may be confident in your ability to accept challenges, and able to navigate solutions through life’s problems. You might always take on hard tasks, and have the strength to conquer the hardest of situations.
These characteristics are empowering. They are a wonderful curation of all the past traumas and hardships to create this strength. But let me tell you this. It is only if all this strength is backed by a sense of unwavering pateience, and unconditional love that your strength can be held with honor.
There is a verse in Shakespeare’s Hamlet that says:
‘ What should be thy fear? I do not set my life in a pin’s fee. And as for my soul– what should can it do to that, being a thing as immortal as itself. It waves me forth again. I’ll follow it’
It is your strength that is bold and without swords.